How Validation Affects Pain
Three months ago, my younger brother passed away very suddenly. Seemingly, he caught a virus and died, like someone from Victorian times. It’s all very awful and mysterious, the most terrible thing I’ve ever experienced.
That phone call on November 2 was my worst nightmare. The type of thing I’d anxiously imagine in my darkest moments. What if? And then one day, that “what if” came to be.
But despite all that—despite the grief, the terrible knowledge that my family will never be complete, that some sad stories will always be sad, and that anyone I love could die suddenly and I couldn’t do anything to stop it—there is one way, one small but significant way that this has been easier than all the hard things I’ve ever gone through.
I have never in my life had a grief that’s been so generally known, and so universally validated.
Falling behind at work? Don’t worry about it! You’re grieving! We’ll cover it!
Crying in church? Give me a hug! Grief comes in waves, dear!
Piercing migraines on the monthly anniversary of his death? Your body knows these things.
